Equinoxal Menopause

22^nd September 2024

All photos my own, taken yesterday or today

Today, 22^nd September 2024, I am “officially” menopaused, which means that it has been exactly a year since the first day of my last period. Yesterday I was still peri-menopausal, and tomorrow I will be post-menopausal. “Menopause”, technically, is a very brief thing, even though we use the term to describe a whole host of years, symptoms, emotions, and more. It lasts but a flicker of a moment, technically, but I am choosing to dedicate a full day to this important life passage. And I love that it has happened at the Equinox. It feels so appropriate that I enter this new life phase, associated with myriad endings, at the start of Autumn.

I have been away for the weekend with a “new girlfriend”, Antonella. The kind of “new girlfriend” that only comes into your life because one of you – in this case Antonella – was brave enough to say, after we’d had a couple of chats/meals/walks, “Hey – I enjoy your company, you seem to be interested in things that interest me, and you seem to enjoy doing things that I like, such as being in the mountains. I don’t have many people in my life I can do this with – so – will you be my friend, and can we go away for a weekend together sometime?” Or words to that effect that I found utterly touching.

After last night’s dinner at the Refuge. I do like the yellow crocs – standard issue in a French refuge hut.

I have said similar versions of this to women over the years, and it has always required me to dig deeply into my courage reserves. And yes, I do end with, “Will you be my friend?” It sounds very six-year-old-like, but I don’t know how to ask it otherwise. Gone are the days and seasons and years of easily meeting people who might quickly become prospective friends – such as while at university, working in a corporate job, or dropping kiddies at school or activities. Making friends has become a whole lot harder. Add to that that many of my friends have disappeared into thin air over these ridiculously hard years. Yup – friendship has become quite a dry zone. Thank you Antonella for your courage. It’s already paid off.

After heading up yesterday to the Refuge de la Pointe Percée in the Aravis, this morning, official M Day, we chose to do a scrambly walk up to the top of the Pointe de Chombas (2,468 m) from which we were promised marvellous 360-degree views. We crossed tricky-to-me, moonlike lapiaz terrain for a while, scrambled up a narrow passage aided by fixed ropes (watched over by a most elegant bouquetin-ibex), then sauntered up a broad, grassy ridge up to the top of the peak.

A Bouquetin (aka Alpine Ibex)

When I got there, after soaking in the views and enjoying the equinox sun, I lit a small candle I had brought up with me for a simple ceremony for this new passage in my life. I wanted to ask myself three questions:

What do I want to let go or release?

What am I most grateful for?

What do I want to invite into my life?

I recorded myself on my phone, and here is what came:

What do I release, let go? Big heaviness, big sadness, the really Big, Heavy parts of Grief, and when those parts come, which they inevitably will, to just embrace it. Letting go of the identity of “Griever” – yes, it’s part of me but not the whole of me. Letting go of anger and disappointment with regards to people close in who I wished could have been there for me when I needed them. Letting go of uncertainty and fear around the future, whether it be my own, my health, my capacity to earn, my brain health, just letting go of all of those fears and embracing day by day What Is, and enjoying each day as though it’s my last. Letting go of any level of, “ooh – I don’t know that I can be doing this professionally”, and keep plugging away at what I want to be doing. Yes, keep doing my old work but with wider lenses.

As for gratitude, I am so grateful for my health, my strong body, still having my parents, the siblings I still have, Medjool in my life, Ben and Megan. I am grateful I had Mike for so long, grateful I had Julia for so long, and grateful for the nourishing relationships in little pockets of the family, new friendships like with Antonella. Grateful that I have capacity to earn, and that even in a bad year, I can still earn something. Grateful for my curiosity and capacity to integrate new learnings, grateful for living in a wonderful part of the world where I have access to these kinds of places, and grateful for living in a part of the world where there is no war.

I invite into my life ongoing and increasing creativity and productivity, ongoing good health and strength, new friendships, expanding love with Medjool, expanding love with Ben and Megan, and expanding love with Mike and Julia, Edward and Don. I invite into my life full acceptance of the relationships I have with my parents as they continue to age, and ongoing gratitude that I have had them both for so long. I invite into my life new work projects around grief and loss in organisations and regenerative leadership that stretch me so that I can keep learning. I invite into my life new clients, new colleagues and new ways of working. I invite into my life happiness, joy, love, gratitude, peace, health, well-being, and awe.

Thank you for this gift of life. And welcome to the Menopause!

A heart in nature. Granted, a bit bashed, but still a heart.