Widowing Empty Nests

Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago

January 18, 2021 No Comments

11 January 2021 Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, soon after our move to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blog site about widowing, and I am widowed. But when my husband Mike died in April 2017, I had recently lost both my youngest brother Edward […]

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Wise and Kind Babes

January 18, 2021 2 Comments

Picture from August 2020 in Camargue 3 January 2021 There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question is not about Julia, nor about how I […]

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Shattered Christmases

January 18, 2021 2 Comments

Random image of broken Christmas tree 23 December 2020 Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow absorb. To try not to get […]

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Missing and MISSING

January 18, 2021 No Comments

16 December 2020 Main image by Sarah Treanor on streanor.com One of the (many) difficult things about loss and grieving is that while it makes up an inordinately large portion of my life (and is sometimes all-consuming), it is hard to express, lonely to experience, and frustrating in its unpredictability. I rarely feel understood except […]

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My First Podcast – On Living With Loss (What Else?)

January 18, 2021 No Comments

14th December 2020 Image by Matt Botsford on Unsplash My first ever podcast 2020 has been the year of being on webinars and panel discussions about grief and loss and suicide and more but this is the first podcast, and I think it’s worth sharing.

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Today, I have lived 19,615 days

January 18, 2021 2 Comments

Main image by Jonathan Chng on Unsplash 8th December 2020 Today I have lived 19,615 daysToday, 8th December 2020, I am the exact age, to the day, that Mike was when he diedMike was born on 27th July 1963I was born on 27th March 1967Mike died on 8th April 2017I… am alive on 8th December […]

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Saturated Night Terrors

January 18, 2021 No Comments

6th December 2020 Saturated Night Terrors – sounds a little like Saturday Night Fever, doesn’t it? I woke up earlier than I hoped to this morning from a terrifying dream. As with most dreams and nightmares, it felt so very real. I don’t know what it all means. I mulled it over immediately afterwards, but […]

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Violon d’Ingres

January 18, 2021 No Comments

30 November 2020 Main image by Philippe Lucchese When I was a teenager, I remember pretty much the precise moment I learned the real definition of the word “amateur”. It was while watching some or other rugby tournament on the telly. I actually enjoyed watching rugby. It interested me, and I later played for Nottingham […]

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Categories

January 18, 2021 3 Comments

Main picture by Henry Be on Unsplash 23 November 2020 The notion of categories has come up for me a few times these past days and weeks. Categories and rating scales. I am far from being an expert in measurement but I have designed myriad surveys in my professional decades, and even contributed to psychometric […]

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I nearly said “Micky”

January 18, 2021 1 Comment

Main photo a “selfie” with a traditional camera, Easter 1988, our first weekend away, in Cornwall, some 6 months after the start of our relationship. 14 November 2020 To want to have sex, love-making, and intimacy (deep intimacy) in my life again was not a difficult decision for me to make when Mike was no […]

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