I Don’t Recognise My Life
October 6, 2024 No Comments7th September 2018 There are films about people who go to sleep and wake up remembering nothing; or people who go into hospital for surgery and awaken in someone else’s life. They have lost all sense of who they are, who their relationships are with, what they do…. A terrifyingly fearful void where all of […]
Read MoreA big week made bigger
October 6, 2024 1 Comment1st September 2018 It’s Saturday morning and I am sitting in bed – with the dog. In my new life, this is one of my favourite times of day. That, and going to bed. There’s something about bed there, being in bed. A bed theme. I know some widows who intensely dislike, even fear, the […]
Read MoreEmma of 500 Days – And other stories of numbers and dates
October 6, 2024 1 Comment20th August 2018 Today is my brother William’s birthday. He is 53. The age Mike was when he died. I wonder if people like my brother, turning 53, think that they might die at 53? I suspect not. Though perhaps maybe more likely if they are spending part of their birthday in a hospital. As […]
Read MoreA Holiday Chock Full of Gifts
October 6, 2024 2 Comments14th August 2018 Back in January this year, for better or for worse, I acquiesced to (i.e., crumbled under) my girls’ insistent requests to visit the US for summer holidays. (I don’t mention Ben in this because Ben was travelling in Latin America for months at that time, and more to the point, doesn’t weigh […]
Read MoreYou’re So Strong!
October 6, 2024 No Commentsphoto credit Sarah Treanor www.streanor.com 6th August 2018 I fancy a series of blogposts on platitudes and statements that really are not compliments, not helpful to a grieving person. Or at least to me. There are so many phrases that I hear that make me want to snarl. And sometimes I bite. Whether or not […]
Read MoreWhat is it About Triggers?
October 6, 2024 1 Comment24 July 2018 I know that none of us ever, for one single micro-moment forgets that our one, our ones, our person, our people are gone… We – I – remember all the time. I know all the time. Even as I am always shocked. Put that parallel universe to one side for a moment… […]
Read MoreMaking Memories
October 6, 2024 No CommentsToday, 16 July 2018, is a year since we had Mike’s Celebration of Life – on 16th July 2017. Yesterday, Sunday 15th, felt more like the anniversary itself, as last year, 16th July was a Sunday. So much of that day remains etched in my brain, memories wired into neural pathways, or something like that. […]
Read MoreThe End of an Era
October 6, 2024 2 CommentsThis afternoon we said goodbye to Iryna from the Czech Republic. Iryna has been our au pair for most of the past school year. With her departure closes an enormously important and very long chapter in our family’s life: that of having live-in au pairs. We have had au pairs for 16 years! Ever since […]
Read MoreThe Body Remembers
October 6, 2024 No CommentsOn Sunday I was aware to the day, hour and minute when Mike died 15 months prior. Today I remember my little brother Edward who died 30 months ago today – 10 Jan 2016. Same day as David Bowie. My mind does weird things with dates. But really it’s my body that knows. I don’t […]
Read MoreWho am I and Why am I here?
October 6, 2024 1 CommentWelcome to my blog – Widowing Empty Nests. A space for me, Emma, to put some of the writing I do about my new life, a life I didn’t expect, didn’t want, but is. In the space of less than a year, I went from being married to the man I had known and loved […]
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