Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago
January 18, 2021 No Comments11 January 2021 Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, soon after our move to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blog site about widowing, and I am widowed. But when my husband Mike died in April 2017, I had recently lost both my youngest brother Edward […]
Read MoreWise and Kind Babes
January 18, 2021 2 CommentsPicture from August 2020 in Camargue 3 January 2021 There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question is not about Julia, nor about how I […]
Read MoreShattered Christmases
January 18, 2021 2 CommentsRandom image of broken Christmas tree 23 December 2020 Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow absorb. To try not to get […]
Read MoreMissing and MISSING
January 18, 2021 No Comments16 December 2020 Main image by Sarah Treanor on streanor.com One of the (many) difficult things about loss and grieving is that while it makes up an inordinately large portion of my life (and is sometimes all-consuming), it is hard to express, lonely to experience, and frustrating in its unpredictability. I rarely feel understood except […]
Read MoreMy First Podcast – On Living With Loss (What Else?)
January 18, 2021 No Comments14th December 2020 Image by Matt Botsford on Unsplash My first ever podcast 2020 has been the year of being on webinars and panel discussions about grief and loss and suicide and more but this is the first podcast, and I think it’s worth sharing.
Read MoreToday, I have lived 19,615 days
January 18, 2021 2 CommentsMain image by Jonathan Chng on Unsplash 8th December 2020 Today I have lived 19,615 daysToday, 8th December 2020, I am the exact age, to the day, that Mike was when he diedMike was born on 27th July 1963I was born on 27th March 1967Mike died on 8th April 2017I… am alive on 8th December […]
Read MoreSaturated Night Terrors
January 18, 2021 No Comments6th December 2020 Saturated Night Terrors – sounds a little like Saturday Night Fever, doesn’t it? I woke up earlier than I hoped to this morning from a terrifying dream. As with most dreams and nightmares, it felt so very real. I don’t know what it all means. I mulled it over immediately afterwards, but […]
Read MoreViolon d’Ingres
January 18, 2021 No Comments30 November 2020 Main image by Philippe Lucchese When I was a teenager, I remember pretty much the precise moment I learned the real definition of the word “amateur”. It was while watching some or other rugby tournament on the telly. I actually enjoyed watching rugby. It interested me, and I later played for Nottingham […]
Read MoreCategories
January 18, 2021 3 CommentsMain picture by Henry Be on Unsplash 23 November 2020 The notion of categories has come up for me a few times these past days and weeks. Categories and rating scales. I am far from being an expert in measurement but I have designed myriad surveys in my professional decades, and even contributed to psychometric […]
Read MoreI nearly said “Micky”
January 18, 2021 1 CommentMain photo a “selfie” with a traditional camera, Easter 1988, our first weekend away, in Cornwall, some 6 months after the start of our relationship. 14 November 2020 To want to have sex, love-making, and intimacy (deep intimacy) in my life again was not a difficult decision for me to make when Mike was no […]
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