Discharging Guilt
April 23, 2024 3 CommentsMain image by Callum Skelton on Unsplash 12 June 2021 One of Julia’s best friends, whose family asked me very directly, some six months after her death, never to contact them again, turned up unexpectedly at my door about 10 days ago. The door was wide open, and I only knew she was there because […]
Read MoreDisappointed in the Spirit World
April 23, 2024 No CommentsPhoto by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash 7 June 2021 I want to believe in the Spirit world.I want to believe and trust in Mediums.I do believe in the Spirit world.And I do believe and trust in Mediums.Mostly. And yet… I can’t help but feel disappointed. Where were Mike’s and Julia’s spirits on a small group […]
Read MoreNavigating New Terrain
April 23, 2024 3 CommentsPhotos my own 31 May 2021 I just re-read last week’s post to see if I had mentioned “Orienteering” and saw that – oddly – I hadn’t. However it was a feature underlying that piece of writing. Orienteering is where I had been with my parents, in Leucate, when I came across “Ed’s Feather” on […]
Read MoreThe Smallest Of Gestures
April 23, 2024 3 CommentsPictures created by myself. Main picture, my Grief Mentor. 24 May 2021 This past week has been abominably hard. Violently hard. Or should I say, this past week has had some abominably and violently hard moments, minutes and hours in it. Yes. That’s closer. I once heard that Christopher Reeve (aka Superman) said, after his […]
Read MoreOn Life as Mayonnaise
April 23, 2024 2 CommentsMain image by Daniel Costa on Unsplash 17 May 2021 This isn’t a “deep” piece … just some in-the-moment noodlings, metaphors and wonderings. Sometimes people talk of “not being able to turn mayonnaise back into its component parts”, i.e., you can’t get your whole eggs back once you’ve beaten the hell out of them, mixed […]
Read MoreNon-Stop Dead
April 23, 2024 No CommentsPhoto by Jr Korpa on Unsplash 9 May 2021 In the weeks and months after Mike died, people often asked me if I dreamt of him. I barely did. He was “in my dreams” – a presence in them – but dead. I remember resenting that I knew all the time, every moment, day or […]
Read MoreRe-Re, Re-Be
April 23, 2024 1 CommentRe-enter, Re-emerge, Re-cover, Re-silient, Re-be, Re-re 1st May 2021 Today is a stay-in-bed-dayI am feeling weepyI am feeling bereftI am missing my old lifeI am missing my dead lovesI am missing my alive loves The dog and cat were with me for a while but even they got bored and left It’s all so iterative. […]
Read MoreSweet Grief
April 23, 2024 No CommentsMain photo by Marcus Ganahl on Unsplash 25 April 2021 I am reading and/or listening to two startlingly wonderful books at the moment. Both make me sob and cry; my throat constricts, my shoulders slump and shake. Reading can be so physical and emotional. The first book (that I am actually reading) is “Dear Life” […]
Read MoreAlchemising Impermanence
April 23, 2024 No CommentsPhoto by Simon Berger on Unsplash 19 April 2021 Sometime around the age of 5, children learn that things and people die. Of course, some very young kids learn this earlier, through the tragedy of a close human death in their immediate entourage – be it the death of a sibling, parent or grandparent. But […]
Read MoreDouble Trouble
April 23, 2024 1 CommentAll photos our own 13th April 2021 13th April. One of those dates that – I assume – will always be lodged in my mind, in my heart, in my body, in my soul. Today is 25 years to the day since Mike and I got married, on a cold, grey day in Grasmere, Cumbria. […]
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