“The relationship I always wanted….”
May 29, 2023 No CommentsPhoto of my parents from their photo archives – Córdoba, 1961 29th May 2023 Medjool and I have just had a lovely 10 day “working break”, based mostly at my parents’ house in Céret in the Pyrénées Orientales, just inside France on the Franco-Spanish border. Now into their 80s, I try to get down to […]
Read MoreI wish I could better imagine…
May 29, 2023 3 CommentsPhotos my own, Christmas 2022 21 May 2023 Sometimes I stop short in my tracks and realise with desperate sadness that I can no longer imagine what my life would be like with Mike were he still alive. In the last years since he died, I have lived through what would anyway have been a […]
Read MoreWhat do Mother’s Day, Handy Men, T-shirts and Jazz have in common?
May 29, 2023 No CommentsPhoto my own 14th May 2023 You might well ask. Well, one answer, and the only one I have right now, is that these words, or words related to them, are on sticky notes, forming a dense, colourful and messy pile, worthy of investing in 3M. I am trying to reduce my use of sticky […]
Read MoreThe School Bus That Thumps Me In The Gut
May 29, 2023 No CommentsMain image by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash 3 May 2023 Music, yes – of course music does it. Lyrics or no lyrics – same same. Places too. And faces – duh. All of those are triggers – triggers for a fast tumble down a Grief-soaked spiral. But the evening school bus? School buses, in fact, […]
Read MoreCredits
May 29, 2023 No CommentsScreenshot Photo my own 28 April 2023 A long, long time ago, back in the last millennium, in the time when there were dinosaurs, and during the 7 month period between 1997 and 1998 where I had a brilliantly exciting expat assignment in Minneapolis, I met a lovely woman called Betsy. She was first a […]
Read MoreJust because I “know” doesn’t mean I “remember”
May 29, 2023 1 CommentPhoto of Ground Zero Memorial by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash 24 April 2023 It’s a tricky thing, supporting others who have experienced great loss. Even when you yourself have experienced great loss. Even when you have experienced the “same” great loss, dammit. It’s a tricky thing because of so many tricky things. Tricky things like […]
Read MorePoster Child – but not for the reasons I would have wanted
May 29, 2023 1 CommentMain photo from family friend Pascaline (photo of Megs & Jubee, which P has stuck behind a piece of art made by and gifted by Julia, many years ago) 16 April 2023 It was Julia’s 19th birthday a couple of weeks ago. On 30th March. Still her birthday. Even if she is not alive to […]
Read More8th April
May 29, 2023 8 CommentsPhotos my own, taken today 8th April 2023 It generates a sicky feeling in my tummy. A sinking of my heart. A shortening of my breath. An increase in my heart’s rate. A tensing of my belly. A weakening of my arms’ and legs’ strength. Trembly fingers. This date. 8th of April. Typing it out. […]
Read MoreThe Body Remembers – again
May 29, 2023 3 CommentsPhoto by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash 30 March 2023 This morning I awoke at exactly 4h00. It’s not entirely uncommon that I am awake around that time. But to awaken at exactly 4h00. On 30th March. The body remembers. Nineteen years ago, at that very moment, I woke up. I needed the loo. As in […]
Read MoreNNTR and other attempts to influence language
May 29, 2023 No CommentsImage by i-am_nah on Unsplash 25 March 2023 Back in the 1980s, and possibly into the 1990s, I was quite an avid reader of two “wimmin’s magazines” – Company and Cosmopolitan. I just looked up to see if they still exist – they do. But I am curious how I ever found any of it […]
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