Image by DALL.E and photo by me
Written by Medjool during August 2024, posted here on 5 October 2024.
Translated and shortened from the French original which was rather more beautiful and poetic.
(As always, posts on my psychedelic experiences (in this experience I was a co-sitter, not a participant), I am not advocating their use, which remains illegal in most parts of the world. So if you use them, please do so while well-accompanied, and well-prepared, with before, during and after support).
It’s 12th July, 2024. I’m lying down, comfortably. It’s 40 minutes since I took MDMA for the first time.
I feel good. A little while ago, I sensed my body line up with my heart leading the way. It was as though my heart took over—guiding me intentionally and with total clarity. My mind tried to get involved, but was quickly sidelined. I watched it happen: the conversation that was about to unfold flowed in and out of my heart, leaving everything neck up completely out of the picture.
I had things I wanted to explore during the experience. I’d been advised, “It’s good to have an idea of what you want to explore, but don’t hold on to it too tightly. Let things come up as they will.” It reminded me of how I try to steer the course of my life—holding the rudder, but not too tightly.
So, here’s what happened. It’s tough to put into words because everything came in images, feelings, or key words, all outside of linear time, and it touched on some pretty intimate stuff. Writing it down involves reshaping it into a narrative that fits into the boundaries of language and time, and there’s a good chance my ego has filtered it here and there—whether out of modesty or embellishment.
A good example of this is the gap between the simplicity of the answers I got in the moment and the length of this text. It’s as if Gaia herself—because it was with Her that I had this conversation—answered me by making me live the principles I was asking about, in the most simple and obvious way. It was as though she handed me a map showing the Source I could return to anytime I had a question. And as our conversation progressed, I noticed that only my first two or three questions got actual answers. For all the rest, Gaia just looked at me kindly, allowing me to figure things out on my own using the principles she’d already laid out.
Chapter 1: The Future of Humanity
One of the main themes on my mind was ecology. Our planet is in trouble, and humanity is still fixated on growth and wars, pushing us closer to a major global crisis. What does it all mean? What can I do? And what about my fears, my guilt, and my anger when I think about the future for my two daughters?
To my surprise—and something I hadn’t expected at all—Gaia herself appeared, sitting across from me. Of course! Who could be better suited for this kind of conversation? When I say, “sitting across from me,” I don’t mean literally. The form she took was more like a soft, white cloth gently rippling beside me. But what really stood out was the feeling of pure Love radiating from her, which made everything about our conversation feel crystal clear and straightforward.
Her openness made it easy to get straight to the point. My first question didn’t catch her off guard at all: “The possibility of a sixth mass extinction? Yeah, that’s a total bugger. (what…did Gaia just swear?!) But, honestly, it’s neither the first nor the last one I’ve seen.”
Her response left me speechless. Gaia, fatalistic? “Humans, like the Universe—and like me—are imperfect,” she continued. “And that imperfection is the essence of change, the impermanence of things. It’s also what allows the universe to be so creative and adaptive. The universe, and by extension, you and I, are perfectly imperfect.”
A Learning Ground for Souls
I pushed further: So, does that mean it’s not that serious? “I, the Earth, host souls who come here to have experiences that help them learn and grow. If you and all the souls living on me are here right now, it’s no accident. This situation is the precise experience your souls need.”
My curiosity was sparked. So, what about the loss of biodiversity, pollution, climate change, the mass migrations already happening because of it, the famines and wars that could come… how do we make sense of all this?
“Where the perfection of the universe and I end, the responsibility of living beings, especially humans, begins. Just like parents can’t control their children’s actions forever, the universe and I are responsible for creating the conditions for life and nurturing it… but what humans do with their fate is up to them. We won’t save you from yourselves.”
Love Precedes the Universe
The next question popped out of me before I could stop it. This one was straight from the heart, thinking about my daughters: Gaia, isn’t it cruel for people to have to live through this time? The responses that followed weren’t just words—they were an experience. I was enveloped in a feeling of total, boundless Love. “Love is a powerful antidote to pain and suffering. I send it out, and I’ll keep sending it out in infinite quantities for as long as I exist. This Love is everywhere. You don’t need to look for it—you just need to open your heart to it,” Gaia said.
Love as a way for better accepting death? Gaia caught my thought and kept going: “In fact, the universe is Love. Love is its origin. All matter and energy in the universe are just different forms of Love. I’m a product of that Love, as is everything else, including life, humanity, and you, Medjool. Everything that sustains life is Love: the light from the sun, water, food—whether it’s milk from a mother or nourishment from another living being or directly from my body. Our souls are born from this Love, and they outlast the finiteness of our bodies. When I talked earlier about humanity being responsible for its own fate, I was talking about the physical part of humanity—the bodies.”
I Am Gaia
I’m 57 years old, and my body is showing signs of its age. Gaia knows how much I care about my body and how hard it is for me to separate its end from the end of my soul. “I lend you the matter that makes up your body,” she tells me, “and I’ve been doing that since life began on this planet. The matter that makes up your body has been used for other bodies in the past. The universe does the same with me. In this way, you are a part of me, just as I am a part of the universe. Your body is the vehicle I lend to your soul for its journey on Earth.”
Chapter 2: My Own Future
Next up was a big one, the kind of question that follows you through life: “What’s next for me? What meaning should I find in the rest of my life?” Right now, a lot of my focus is on my work, so naturally, my questions were about that. “How much of myself should I give to my work? And for what purpose? How can I make sure I’m serving the greater good and not just my ego?”
Gaia’s answer was simple and to the point: “Only do what you can with your heart. Invest where your heart finds meaning and where it will be appreciated.”
That was all I needed. Several times during our conversation, Gaia made it clear what was her responsibility and what was mine—and the responsibility of other living beings. It was an expression of love and trust in others and an invitation to set boundaries. I sensed the balance between love and responsibility, these two pillars of all relationships among living beings.
Chapter 3: Souls and Their Connections
For the next part of the conversation, I wanted to talk about Mike and Julia, Emma’s husband and daughter, who died in 2017 and 2019 respectively. I wanted to understand their place in my life, in our relationship, and how I could best support both Emma and myself.
Gaia didn’t hesitate. As surprising as her words seemed, they made perfect sense to me in the moment. “Mike and you came to Earth to share very similar experiences, including supporting Emma on her journey and being supported by her on yours. Mike was also here for supporting Julia, like you are here to support your elder daughter. When Mike left Earth, Julia had to follow. In the land of souls, Mike continues to look after Julia, and she’s doing much better now—though she still needs him.” (At this point, Julia appeared to me, confirming what Gaia was saying. She seemed a bit shy towards me—a young soul, growing under Mike’s care.)
Gaia went on: “So you have two brothers: Philippe by soul and blood, and Mike by a soul connection. You and your daughter share strong soul ties, just like the bond between Mike and Julia. And your daughter and Julia also have a soul connection, similar to the one you have with Mike.”
From here, the conversation with Gaia and my heart went beyond what I initially planned, touching on other people in my life, both living and dead.
“Your father John died in 2003 to join his own father, who had died just a week earlier. They probably had things to work through together, along with your father’s mother, who died when he was only 13. In adulthood, your dad and his father drifted apart, barely staying in contact. He trusted that Eliane, your mum, would be able to support you and Philippe, as well as all four of your daughters. Eliane died in 2020, when her role was no longer so critical.”
Through this part of the conversation, I realised that on Earth, some souls are here to live their own experiences, and others are here to support others’ experiences. And sometimes, souls carry out both roles—either at the same time or at different points in their lives.
Gaia’s message about my place as a father, partner, family member, and friend was clear: follow my heart, which already knows the answers.
Chapter 4: The Future of Gaia
Gaia is a living being. Her presence at the beginning of this experience made that obvious, even though I hadn’t fully realised it at first. Growing up, I’d studied natural sciences, where she was more of an object to be studied rather than a living body.
During our conversation, I saw the parallels with my own life. Gaia’s physical body came into existence at a certain point in the universe’s history. Other celestial bodies share her universe. She’s imperfect and acknowledges her limits, and she shelters countless living beings. I felt a surge of compassion. “But you, Gaia—do you have an end as well?”
“Yes,” she said. “When ‘our’ sun burns out, my physical body will disappear. But not my soul.”
I wondered what Gaia’s soul is… Could it be the sum of all the souls that inhabit her? Just another soul among others? That thought felt too much to grasp in the moment—I needed time to digest everything I’d just learned.
“And how do you forgive humanity for what we’re doing to you?” I asked. “Forgiveness is the key to peace,” Gaia replied. “With others, but especially with yourself. When someone is resilient, what others do to them leaves no lasting marks. And my resilience is immense. Forgiveness, for me, is far easier than it is for humans. Cultivating resilience makes forgiveness easier.”
Yet more insights followed.
One of them was like a Russian doll: life is a system where every part is just a smaller unit of something bigger. I see myself as an individual, but what about the bacteria in my gut? Some cultures think of themselves in terms of villages or families, where individuals are just parts of a larger whole. The same is true for trees and forests, and even for planets, suns, and galaxies.
What I used to think of as opposites—hot vs. cold, light vs. dark, water vs. drought, life vs. death—are better understood as cycles. If heat, light and water create life, too much of them can be dangerous. Everything is about balance.
Time, I realised, is a human invention—a way to measure the alternation between day and night. Gaia and the universe don’t operate on linear time.
Nothing is created in isolation. Souls learn and grow through their connections—with themselves and with others.
Love can only exist in connection.
And without love, there is no life.
Medjool conversing with a tree while out on a hike
I am so moved by this conversation. I have read it through once and already feel a longing to read it again. Thank you for sharing this beautiful exchange.