Widowing Empty Nests

8th April

March 29, 2024 8 Comments

Photos my own, taken today 8th April 2023 It generates a sicky feeling in my tummy. A sinking of my heart. A shortening of my breath. An increase in my heart’s rate. A tensing of my belly. A weakening of my arms’ and legs’ strength. Trembly fingers. This date. 8th of April. Typing it out. […]

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The Body Remembers – again

March 29, 2024 3 Comments

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash 30 March 2023 This morning I awoke at exactly 4h00. It’s not entirely uncommon that I am awake around that time. But to awaken at exactly 4h00. On 30th March. The body remembers. Nineteen years ago, at that very moment, I woke up. I needed the loo. As in […]

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NNTR and other attempts to influence language

March 29, 2024 No Comments

Image by i-am_nah on Unsplash 25 March 2023 Back in the 1980s, and possibly into the 1990s, I was quite an avid reader of two “wimmin’s magazines” – Company and Cosmopolitan. I just looked up to see if they still exist – they do. But I am curious how I ever found any of it […]

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“Pas Voulu Mais Choisi”

March 29, 2024 1 Comment

Image by Josue Michel on Unsplash 18 March 2023 I have just come back from my Saturday morning swim with the Masters. When I say, “with the Masters”, I speak rather relatively. Yes, I am part of the Masters group, and so get access to special opening times, long before the sun rises. On Saturdays […]

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A Monstruous Web of Grief and Loss

March 29, 2024 2 Comments

11 March 2023 Main image by Guille Pozzi on Unsplash I saw yet another film today. I am seeing rather a few at the moment. Anytime I go into town, I work out whether or not I can sneak in a film on my way home. And sometimes I can. So I just do. Late […]

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Love Is Not Always Enough

March 29, 2024 2 Comments

Image by freestocks on Unsplash 5 March 2023 Last night I saw “The Son”, which I knew would be a hard film. (** Spoiler Alerts ** Don’t read if you want to see the film **) I knew from the trailer that it was about teenage struggle – possibly linked to mental health issues related […]

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Conversations Without Spaces Erase Entire Lives

March 29, 2024 3 Comments

Main image by Red Zeppelin on Unsplash 24 February 2023 I was invited for dinner at a friend’s house last night. Medjool was also invited and joined. We so rarely get invited out as a couple. His friends invite him out, and invariably he goes without me. My friends invite me out, but without inviting […]

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Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner

March 29, 2024 8 Comments

Photo by Nadia Valko on Unsplash 19 Feb 2023 A couple of weeks ago I hosted a dinner where the sole focus was to talk about all things Death and Dying. (And Grief, because, heck, it’s inseparable). I had come across the concept of this kind of dinner during the months after Mike died, and […]

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It’s Not About the Roses

March 29, 2024 No Comments

Image by Yoksel on Unsplash 13 February 2022 It’s Valentine’s Day already in some parts of the world. I know that the date fills a number of my fellow widbuds with Horror. Or Grief. Or Sadness. Or Resentment. There’s such “noise” around Valentine’s day in (at least Anglophone) parts of the world – it’s one […]

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Choosing Life – A Love Letter to Julia from Paula

March 29, 2024 1 Comment

Posted on 5th February 2023; received on 3rd November 2022 Photo of Paula and Julia by another school friend I wake up to a firm ray of sunlight bursting through my dormitory window on July 2nd, 2019. I can’t wait to finally see my family after what feels like years. Suddenly, an inexplicable feeling of […]

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