Widowing Empty Nests

Widow Walking in Wild Weather

September 25, 2022 6 Comments

23 September 2018 I wrote a couple of weeks ago about not recognising my life.  Since then I have hiked for 12 big fat full days up and down Corsican mountains on the “GR20 mythique”.  Considered to be the hardest of the French Grandes Randonnées, at 180 km in length and over 10,000 m of […]

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I Don’t Recognise My Life

September 25, 2022 No Comments

7th September 2018 There are films about people who go to sleep and wake up remembering nothing; or people who go into hospital for surgery and awaken in someone else’s life. They have lost all sense of who they are, who their relationships are with, what they do…. A terrifyingly fearful void where all of […]

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A big week made bigger

September 25, 2022 1 Comment

1st September 2018 It’s Saturday morning and I am sitting in bed – with the dog.  In my new life, this is one of my favourite times of day.  That, and going to bed.  There’s something about bed there, being in bed.  A bed theme.  I know some widows who intensely dislike, even fear, the […]

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Emma of 500 Days – And other stories of numbers and dates

September 25, 2022 1 Comment

20th August 2018  Today is my brother William’s birthday.  He is 53.  The age Mike was when he died.  I wonder if people like my brother, turning 53, think that they might die at 53?  I suspect not.  Though perhaps maybe more likely if they are spending part of their birthday in a hospital.  As […]

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A Holiday Chock Full of Gifts

September 25, 2022 2 Comments

14th August 2018 Back in January this year, for better or for worse, I acquiesced to (i.e., crumbled under) my girls’ insistent requests to visit the US for summer holidays.  (I don’t mention Ben in this because Ben was travelling in Latin America for months at that time, and more to the point, doesn’t weigh […]

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You’re So Strong!

September 25, 2022 No Comments

photo credit Sarah Treanor www.streanor.com 6th August 2018 I fancy a series of blogposts on platitudes and statements that really are not compliments, not helpful to a grieving person.  Or at least to me.  There are so many phrases that I hear that make me want to snarl.  And sometimes I bite. Whether or not […]

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What is it About Triggers?

September 25, 2022 1 Comment

24 July 2018 I know that none of us ever, for one single micro-moment forgets that our one, our ones, our person, our people are gone… We – I – remember all the time.  I know all the time.  Even as I am always shocked. Put that parallel universe to one side for a moment… […]

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Making Memories

September 25, 2022 No Comments

Today, 16 July 2018, is a year since we had Mike’s Celebration of Life – on 16th July 2017.  Yesterday, Sunday 15th, felt more like the anniversary itself, as last year, 16th July was a Sunday.  So much of that day remains etched in my brain, memories wired into neural pathways, or something like that.  […]

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The End of an Era

September 25, 2022 2 Comments

This afternoon we said goodbye to Iryna from the Czech Republic.  Iryna has been our au pair for most of the past school year.  With her departure closes an enormously important and very long chapter in our family’s life:  that of having live-in au pairs.  We have had au pairs for 16 years!  Ever since […]

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The Body Remembers

September 25, 2022 No Comments

On Sunday I was aware to the day, hour and minute when Mike died 15 months prior. Today I remember my little brother Edward who died 30 months ago today – 10 Jan 2016. Same day as David Bowie. My mind does weird things with dates. But really it’s my body that knows. I don’t […]

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